V the new Generation

Wow, the government must have money to burn!   $250 million dollars is being spent to educate teens from sticking their jack … in the box!  The program named “Title V” promotes NO fucking until you’re married. Title V believes abstinence prevents teens from having bastard kids popping all over the place and of course protecting them from vaj herpes, syphilis, crabs and all those other nasty and life threatening diseases.

Now I am not here to support teen fucking however Title V sounds like a Sue Grafton Novel. If I were Sue, I’d get my ass in gear and write the next installment to her alphabet soup Kinsey Millhone Mysteries series. I’d call this book "V is for Va jay jay".  The story would revolve around the main character Kinsey Millhone trying to solve the mystery behind the horny group of teens fucking in the year 2010. I’d also bring back some other popular characters like Mike and Carol Brady. They would be pleading Greg’s innocents in the whole "fucking" scandal, just like in the episode of the Brady Bunch where Greg swore to his mother Carol and Mrs. Cock Johnson that the cigarettes that came from his jacket were her son Tommy’s.

Has Anyone Seen My Dick?

Oh where, oh where has my little peen gone? Oh where oh where can it be?

The Times of India reported yesterday that a 19 year old idiot cut off his penis (a big excruciating OUCH!) after he learned that his girlfriend was going to marry someone else.

Isn't that taking self-mutilation just a little too far?? And all over a girl???! WTF??

The poor sap is now in the hospital and in stable condition but they cun't find his wiener. He apparently sliced it off and threw it down a well.

What a dick!

Living La Vida Obvious

In the mother of all shockers (if it was 1999 and anyone still cared) Ricky Martin has decided now (that his career is over) is a good time to tell us what we already knew - he pitches or catches or both (I'm betting catches) for the all-men's league.

He now joins the Stating the Obvious club alongside fellow gay celebutants:
Clay Aiken
Adam Lambert
Ellen DeGeneres
Chaz
Boy George
Sanjaya (oh yeah he hasn't come out yet)

Future inductee Anderson Cooper - here's your chance while it's still relevant.

Is there something you would like to tell us?

Boy oh Boy George

It's a miracle Boy George can even fit into his clothes these days but if it's the diva look he's going for, a la Urethra Franklin, then he's got it dead on.

I bet he even knows about the crying game now. My guess is he lives it and I don't blame him.  I certainly would be all cried out if I put on those pounds.
 

And at time it looks like he's channeling Helen Terry and I wonder what happened to her? Did he eat her as well?  After all, we haven't seen her since the War Song. Wappa doo wappa do!

Ricky Martin is not a straight gay?

Apparently the gays got wood  word today when Ricky Martin annouced he is gay?  I must have missed something all these years.   I too,was totally shocked to hear that the guy who once shook his ass on stage is  gay.

Could this be the man Joan Collin's wrote about when she penned the phrase "you're so gay" in one of her shitty books?  

I cun't remember what I was thinking when I first saw this photo of Ricky and this guy and their speedos. I am almost positive it wasn't anything sexual, maybe just two good friends getting ready to enjoy the beautiful sunny weather at the beach together. It's all starting to make sense now, Ricky is gay, not a metrosexual.

Lord Tundering Jesus attacked by a disco ball

UHM, Awwww who that be?  Can it be true? Madonna's boy toy wants to make it in hollywood?

Someone get on the phone and call Misdemeanor and tell her to get back on the M. I. C!

Hey Missy, we are no longer lovin' Madonna and them Gap Jeannns.    When Jesus walks by, people gonna be asking him, "Where You get them jeans?

Missy take it from me!

The Urinal Reader

There's nothing like plopping yourself on your toilet seat at home and reading a book. I'm guilty of it and I'm sure many others are as well.

But I was at work this past week and went to the bathroom to find a co-worker at one of the public urinals.
There he was taking a whiz and obviously holding his willie with one hand while his other hand held up a novel. And he was reading it at the urinal. In the open. Just reading like it was nothing out of the ordinary.

And I'm wondering how long does he believe he's going to pee that he would think he has enough time to read at the urinal? And where does he put the book while he shakes those last few drops out and tucks it back into his pants?

I didn't hang around to find out but I made a mental note to never borrow a book from him.

Has anyone else had this experience and what do you think? Disgusting or not?

SHA L O N G

For those of you who don't know SHALONG ...

Shalong is defined as "a fucking huge donkey dick" according to the world of  ghetto ebonics.
                      "Niggah, yo fuckin shalong is pokin' outa yo fuckin pants"

I must ask:  What's the deal with lesbians and dildos?   Now, I don't mean to offend but I need clarity.

I was in my local adult store the other day shopping around for some new kinky toys when I overheard some women talking and excited  about getting home to have some fun.  As I glanced over, I noticed these two manly butchy lesbians clutching this huge black [sha]long snake-looking dildo and not wanting to let it go.  I thought to myself wouldn't a dick suffice? This black dildo looked bigger and harder than any dick I've ever seen.    I mean if shalong is on your mind why not hookup with a regular Maxx Phukzalot or a Ricky Dangler?

So, I am curious ...

Why is it every time I watch porn and see two lesbians doing the nasty, it seems that the lez using the dildo on her partner is doing more moaning and screaming than the one who has that thing inside her.   Am I missing something here? Am I naive in believing that true lesbianism is not about a good muffmunching?

Lesbians of the world, please help me understand! This inquisitive mind wants to know!

Baldness Discriminates

Why is it you'll see a guy with hair on his ass, all around his junk, on his legs, feet, chest, back, arms, armpits, neck, face, but not on his head??

I don't get it.  Why does it always pick on the head and not, say, his ass or back?

Baldness you are headaphobic!

Are you a fan of the...

Bulge or  mooseknuckle?

Seriously now, how much can this guy's penis weigh? These balls need lifting and fast!  Tighter underwear or perhaps a pair of looser jeans!  

Do guys really walk out in public not knowing their dick is pressed against their leg? 

Are you a fan?

Tiger Woods Sees His Shadow

Hey Tiger - you can come out of hibernation. Your long cold winter is over and you can count your lucky hoes that the smeglight is now shining on Jesse "Monkey" James.

I'm sure Howard Stern is already thinking sequel to his Tiger Woods Mistress Beauty Pageant, but I have a few ideas of my own. Tell me what you think.

Survivor: STDs - the Tiger Tribe vs the Monkey Tribe. The winners eat lobster and the losers get crabs.

Mistress Idol - vote for your favorite ho plus the top 10 then go on the whore tour for the summer.

Prostitute Island - Married couples agree to live with the mistresses in order to test the strength of their relationships.

America's Got Talent - each mistress shows off her best "talent".

Dancing With The Skanks - pole dancing at its best!

Or how about Biggest Loser, America's Next Top Call Girl, Hooker Apprentice.

I'm telling you the ideas are endless and with a few more scandals we might get a chance to produce them all so let the whoring begin!

**The following shows are registered / copyright material of motherchuck**

Who's that screaming NASTY Girl? Ms. Tyler is 62 Today.

Happy Birthday girlfriend!

It's true this gorgeous woman is 62 today. Stefanie is purely ageless. Here's Stefanie at some L'oreal / Glamour party. Girlfriend that age defiance cream is working for you.

I love everything about Stefanie. The clothes - that scarf is to die 4! The make up, the way her stylist left just enough white in her hair to make it look skunk, it's screaming tre sheik! And who said the flowbee haircut system was just another after midnight infomericaI gimmick? I..LOVE...IT!

Girlfriend got it going ON....hmmm!

Ann Coulter Could U Not Talk!

If everyone hates this be-atch so much, why do we keep giving her a forum to spew her right-wing garbage?

Why cun't Coulter simply go away? Because she's a publicity whore who feeds on it like that nazi chick going all heil hitler on Jesse James' dick and we keep giving it to her. Again and again.

But you know how we could get back at her? Simply take away the drug that Ann craves -- attention.

Here's a novel idea. What if she was invited to speak and no one came?

It has a dick!

Are we sick of these stupid parodies yet?  

Everyone is out to prove they have a bigger dick than Gaga!  

And this one is very bad, a very very bad bad she-male!

Chaz-io

Oh sure Chaz, go the easy route.

So what are you trying to say? That to be a man you simply need a big belly and some facial hair? 

You see, I pictured you coming back looking more like Fabio - all ripped and muscular but instead you came back looking more like Peter Griffin from Family Guy.

I guess the only positive I can see from this is that, as a peen hater, you won't be able to see yours either over that belly.