Douche Bag Apology

TMZ obtained a copy of the letter sent to Sandra Bullock's agent by Jesse James' #2 whore - Melissa Smith.   The skank is looking for publicity to kiss and make up with Sandy.
 
The letter says:
"I'm sure your wondering why I'm writing this letter to you. (no we pretty much know why fame-whore) I felt I needed to reach out to you and tell you how deeply sorry I am for everything that you've been through. (You just thought about this? What were you thinking as you were going down on the nazi-lover's little hitler.)   And I know nothing I can say in this letter is going to make the pain of my actions go away.  (you're correct there, but disappearing instead of flaunting it in her face might help.) But I insincerely sincerely wanted to take a moment to personally apologize to you.
 
I know that this message wills most likely go unanswered, (you fucking think?!) but I want you to know that I am sorry for any hurt or pain that I have caused you.  My actions of engaging with a married man are unforgivable. (and you came to that realization after shtupping that a-hole how many times?)I never meant you any harm.  I compromised my beliefs (LOL what beliefs?) on several occasions and as a result, will never forgive myself. (aww – don't be too hard on yourself you can't help your prostituting ways)
 
I know that nothing I can say will take back the hurt that my actions caused. (That's right bitch - so get lost)  From the bottom of my heart, I hope you accept my sincere apology.(Repeating that your sorry doesn't make it any more sincere) Please contact me if you wish to discuss on the phone or in person. (I'm sure that's the first thing she'll do. How about lunch? Maybe you two can even become BFF) 

My deepest shallow regrets. (your regret is that you can't somehow get money out of Sandra but I'm sure you'll find some other way to milk this for all its worth)