Tiger Woods' press conference today was full of sexual innuendos, lewd
remarks and shocking revelations ---oh...ummmm..never mind that's what I was
hoping. Instead we got Robo-Woods talking about how "happy" he is.
However I dug deep through what he said, working hard to pull out these
gems.
"The fans were incredible" Tiger said, "I'm looking forward to the first
tee and getting out there and doing what I've done for a very long time" --
Translation: finding new women to fuck in every city.
"It feels fun again"
Translation:oh oh sounds like he might've already found another
whore.
"and that's something that has been missing."
Translation: I guess he hasn't had anal in awhile.
"Have I been winning, Yes, I have."
Translation: He sure has...unprotected sex and no one's gotten pregnant yet.
"I won numerous times the last few years, but I wasn't having anywhere near
the amount of fun."
Translation: Who's he kidding? He was humping everything that moved
and having the best time of his life. The only thing that stopped him was
getting caught.
"Why? Because you look at what I was engaged in."
Translation: Having sex with numerous partners in every position imaginable.
"When you live a life of lying all the time"
"life is not fun"
Translation: when you're wife finds out and hits you over the head with a golf club.
"That's where I was and that's been stripped all away and here I am"
Translation: Dammit..why did you all have to find out...why!! I had a good thing going and you ruined it for me.
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