Tiger's SAT score is 120

The Enquirer says Tiger Woods confessed to Elin that he screwed more than 120 Strippers And Tramps (SAT) since they exchanged their most sacred of vows LOL five years ago. I think this is when Elin chased him out to the car with a golf club and decided to leave his sorry ass.

His whore-friend Joslyn James thinks the number is even higher than his claim. "I bet it's 500 or more," she said to the Daily News and she may be right.

Apparently he tried to fuck their neighbor Raychel Coudriet but didn't include her on this stupid list the idiot decided to provide - so who knows how many more were missing from that list. Why the hell did he even have a list? Hasn't he ever heard of deny, deny, deny.

"This is the worst betrayal ever!" she snapped at him after finding this out. "That's it ... I'm divorcing you."

The source says "Tiger tried to deny it" Oh - my apology - so he did try to deny, deny, deny. I guess it doesn't always work!

"But Elin yelled at him, 'You're lying! You're always a liar! You're a piece of shit!" I think she may have also been heard singing "Money, That's What I Want".

It's Cheetos Frenzy, Bitch!

Sydney woman Sarah May Ward was charged for murder after running over and killing Eli Westlake when he threw some cheese snacks at her car.  I guess those snacks really are dangerously cheesy.

The 39 year old woman was sentenced to minimum 18 years in jail.

Were those Cheetos he threw at the car? This could've ended differently if this had happened to Britney Spears. Instead of running him down, she would've thanked him as she ran out of her car to jam as many of those snacks down her throat. Nobody loves the cheese that goes crunch like Britney - bitch.

Do you have a size 28AAAA bra?

Dear Paris Hilton,

Are you still whoring 'round, all dizzy and being y'all  "that's hot"? Do you still believe "no matter what a woman looks like, if she's confident, she's sexy”?   

Cuz, I'm thinking you have no tits and big girls wear bras.   I'm sure training bras hurt and they are uncomfortable but honey, something needs to be done with those chickadees.   I'm sure even with all that confidence coming out of your ass, deep down it must be awful to see yourself in the mirror and notice the only two bumps on your body are your knees.  Sugar, that's not hot, nor sexy.  

Paris, go see Dr. Hollywood!  Pronto!   And  don't be embarrassed if the doctor accidentally gives you Clearasil for those bumps.  
Tell him you want bigger TITS!

- MotherChuck

                         

Hatfield Vs McCoy

The Lohan train-wreck makes a stop at Entertainment Tonight with a spotlight on Mess #1 Lindsay Lohan and her enabler/fame-whore mom Dina.

They're going to lie set the record straight about the LL circus - her health, drug issues, her father Michael and any other hot topic they can try to lie about do damage control on.

This family feud, with her fame mongering dad, puts the Hatfield and McCoy's feud to shame.

Does anyone have the balls to stand up to this out of control mean girl and get her the help she needs before she does permanent damage to herself and her already limp career?

You Might Be A Redneck If...

At first I thought this was one of those redneck jokes but then I found out it was Ma Kettles Jessica Simpson being her true natural self - a disgustingly gross pig.  

Mess-ICK-a Simpson told Ellen she only brushes her teeth three times a week because she doesn't want to mess with the whiteness.  HUH???.   I know she didn't have much to start with but is that extra weight killing off her brain cells?

"My teeth are so white and I don't like them to feel too slippery, but I do use Listerine and I do floss everyday. But, I don't brush them everyday." 

She says that even when she brushes her teeth, she doesn't always use toothpaste, "I'll use a shirt or something. I know it's gross but I always have fresh breath."  

Mo'Nique and her should get together to write a book on beauty and hygiene tips. I see an  instant bestseller.


Chestica is proof positive that you can take the trailer out of the trash but you can't take the trash Jessica out of the trailer.

Douche Bag Apology

TMZ obtained a copy of the letter sent to Sandra Bullock's agent by Jesse James' #2 whore - Melissa Smith.   The skank is looking for publicity to kiss and make up with Sandy.
 
The letter says:
"I'm sure your wondering why I'm writing this letter to you. (no we pretty much know why fame-whore) I felt I needed to reach out to you and tell you how deeply sorry I am for everything that you've been through. (You just thought about this? What were you thinking as you were going down on the nazi-lover's little hitler.)   And I know nothing I can say in this letter is going to make the pain of my actions go away.  (you're correct there, but disappearing instead of flaunting it in her face might help.) But I insincerely sincerely wanted to take a moment to personally apologize to you.
 
I know that this message wills most likely go unanswered, (you fucking think?!) but I want you to know that I am sorry for any hurt or pain that I have caused you.  My actions of engaging with a married man are unforgivable. (and you came to that realization after shtupping that a-hole how many times?)I never meant you any harm.  I compromised my beliefs (LOL what beliefs?) on several occasions and as a result, will never forgive myself. (aww – don't be too hard on yourself you can't help your prostituting ways)
 
I know that nothing I can say will take back the hurt that my actions caused. (That's right bitch - so get lost)  From the bottom of my heart, I hope you accept my sincere apology.(Repeating that your sorry doesn't make it any more sincere) Please contact me if you wish to discuss on the phone or in person. (I'm sure that's the first thing she'll do. How about lunch? Maybe you two can even become BFF) 

My deepest shallow regrets. (your regret is that you can't somehow get money out of Sandra but I'm sure you'll find some other way to milk this for all its worth)

Celine Dion's Water Themed Home

WOW

Look at Celine Dion's new water themed addition to her Neverland Ranch Florida home.  It's breathtaking... It includes a huge pool, lazy river and a water slide.  

Apparently, Tiger Big Woods also had plans on building his [private] amusement park next door for his stripper, whores, sluts, skanks, family.

photo [splashnews online]

Justin Bieber is Really Dating the Palm Sisters

Justin Bieber is playing the field?   Uhmm, you're 15?

In an interview with talk40.com, Justin claims: "Actually now I'm dating Celine Dion and Shania Twain. I'm dating both of them".

And when asked about Kylie Minogue? It's apparently over between them.

Could there be anymore gay to this story? Is the truth really OUT there?  It seems Justin is spending a little too much time fantasizing and with his hands, no doubt.  He's just Seacrest  s-c-r-e-a-m-i-n-g to come out of the closet.

Next we'll hear the Beav talk about a dream date with Madonna and Britney Spears or perhaps the thrill of a duet with Liza Minnelli or Bette Midler.

Finola will NEVER be Lori Davis

Ex-General Hospital Actress, Finola Hughes just cun’t seem to catch a break in these hard economic times. So like every talentless Hollywood star, Finola has decided to trade in her unemployment check for a chance to star in a new infomercial for Viviscal, a hairloss prevention product for women. The actress claims to have suffered from hair loss which effects millions of women.

Finola says, "Either the stress or the hormones had a huge effect on my hair and it started to come out in clumps and I lost a lot of the front volume of it. Viviscal is a natural marine-based protein (supplement) that features shampoos and conditioners. I use the haircare and it works."

I just don’t buy it! There is nothing convincing about this infomercial. The products don’t even measure up to those of Lori Davis. Now I bet you those really worked on your hair! I remember Cher just about ready to cream her jeans in those infomercials every time she heard Lori Davis talk about crystalline shine. Cher would get all jittery, lick her lips, Oh my God and stick her head between her legs from the excitement of crystalline shine. Now that’s convincing!




I must admit, I am mesmerized by Finola. She resembles a frightened chimp when she smiles with her beautiful white chimpanzee teeth. Perhaps the next time she is looking for work, her agent should be more selective and shop around for teeth whitening products. She should put her best assets to work.

Bret Michaels Setback

News reports are claiming that Bret Michaels's condition has gotten worse since he had a brain hemorrhage last week and that he may need further surgery.
 
Michaels has Hyponatremia, a side effect from the bleeding in his brain, which has brought down the sodium in his the blood to extremely low levels.
 
Michaels' website explains "with further testing and rehabilitation, [doctors] are hopeful that Bret will gradually improve as the blood surrounding the brain dissolves and is reabsorbed into his system, which can be a very painful recovery and take several weeks to months."

Bret remains in stable but critical condition.

Lady Gaga Is A Clairvoyant

Watch it Miss Cleo...you have competition!

Esquire details the early days of Lady Gaga in their latest issue and the article says that before she was famous, she said to a friend that "no one in the world knows who I am, but they are going to want to know who I am.”

She then predicted that she would be wearing almost nothing in her appearances. “My first time ever on TV I want to be on a huge show where I play one song. I'm going to come out onstage in my underwear and show the world that here I am and I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks of me."

Could this have been a premonition or did she read The Secret and put it out to the universe? I personally think she's the real deal.  Gaga's got the gift and I'm hoping she continues the good work Dionne Warwick started and brings the Psychic Friends Network back to its glory days.

Twat Of The Day

Here's Jim Carrey's latest twat on his Twitter page. "Because I'm free thinking, some wonder if I'm stoned, but drugs though fun at times, have always brought my creativity 2 a grinding HALT!"

You're right Jim and by my calculations you've been high for the last 6 years because your last burst of creativity came in 2004 when you starred in "Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events" and "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind".

Going Off The Rail

Lindsay Lohan needs to get off the fuckin' crazy train! She's been banned from the LA club "Trousdale" after having a hissy fit on Friday night and throwing a drink at her ex - Samantha Ronson's head.

A source described how it went down to the New York Post. "Samantha was DJ-ing and went to sit with her friends when Lindsay stormed over and threw a glass at her head. Glass flew everywhere, and Samantha looked really shaken up. The club owner asked Lindsay to leave and was overheard saying she'll never come back."

Ronson later twatted "Just got a glass thrown at my head. ... Hmmm - wonder who did it?" and then told TMZ that Lindsay is just "an angry human being".

After her cunty move, Lohan tried to make sweet by twatting "last night - never again - believe it or not I'm done with the club scene i've learned my lesson - sometime's it just takes a glimpse of reality."

I guess a glimpse of her reality was pretty scary because, according to The Daily News, she was at the club Chateau Marmont later the next evening, slutting it up as usual.

Wentworth Miller Is Fabulous And Thick!

F.A.T!   Yes, you read it here first, Wentworth is F.A.T

Wentworth Miller seems to be enjoying his new plus size and I, for one, applaud the new look.    Yes, the onced toned tattooed hunk has been swallowed whole by a man with fuzzy hair, a rounder face, and a bulging dong midsection and he is looking F-A-B-U-LOUS!   Doesn't he look Pretty in Pink?

Who needs to be Fit and Trim when you look FABULOUS AND THICK!  

The Train Wreck Theory

While Bret Michaels' condition remains stable but critical, ratings for Celebrity Apprentice have gone up since he was hospitalized. 

I attribute the increase to the train wreck theory – that when something bad happens, there is that almost morbid curiosity to watch. Hopefully in Bret's case, there will be a happy ending and by happy ending I don't mean the kind you get from a masseuse, although I wouldn't mind getting one myself.

Even though his Apprentice team did crap and he was probably the worst on the team, Bret wasn't fired from last night's episode. NBC must be giddy over that – I'm sure if they could re-edit the whole season to show Bret winning, they probably would.

Motherchuck and all the trailer trashy hos lining up to be in Rock Of Love 4 are rooting for Bret's speedy recovery.

Truth Stranger Than...

This could only happen in Amsterdam – the stoner capital of the universe. 

Burglars broke into a minimum-security prison twice in the last month and stole TVs from the cells while the prisoners were on weekend leaves.

The facility is for prisoners who are near the end of their sentences and is used to help them transition back into the real world.

No one seems to know how the thieves broke into the jail but only that the TVs were taken.  Hmmmm...maybe they should check on the whereabouts of the actual prisoners. Oh yeah - they're transitioning all right – right back into a life of crime and what better way to get practice then to steal from their own facility.

Tila Tequila Wants To Be Queen

Tila Tequila is ready to go head to head with Perez Hilton on her new site - TilaTequilaOMG.com.

"Mark my words" she twatted "my celebrity gossip/news blog will not let you down. It's the fucking shizznit. I guarantee it." Shizznit? that's so 2005.

"Piggy Perez is done. Miss Tila is the new and better Queen of All Media."

"He doesn't even blog anymore," she continues, "his sister blogs".

Why the hell does she think her blog is going to be better?  She answers "I’ve got people who used to work at E! Online and TMZ and...I am the O-M-G of all media."

I see the bitch claws coming out for both of them.  This is a cat fight I'm gonna enjoy watching.  Let the blog-off begin!

Penis Investigator Wanted

You can forget being a policeman in Papua, a region in Indonesia if you've had your dick enlarged. According to police spokesman Zainuri Lubis, an enlarged penis can hinder training. Probably because they'd be busy playing with it all day.

An applicant "will be asked whether or not his vital organ has been enlarged", said Papua police chief Bekto Suprapto, "if he has, he will be considered unfit to join the police or the military."

This must be every gay man's dream job. To be the one in charge of reviewing and checking out everyone's cock. I can just hear them interviewing the applicants - "I'm sorry, your penis is too big for the police force, but here's my home number. Give me a call later".

Moooriah, Is Not On Fire

Old McDonald had a farm ...

                                    e-i-e-i-MOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Is that really you Mariah? What the hell happened to the slutty hot skinny Mariah?

Nick has revealed [again, again, again and again] that they are planning to get married.

"We get married every year! That's our thing. So it's going to be our third wedding this year. That's what we'll be doing on the actual [anniversary]... We'll do something, a party or event, just to celebrate."

Sugar, me thinks Mariah may not be able to recycle the same wedding dress as she does her husband.  She looks like she needs something in a size 12.

The Cloning of Saddam Hussein

Honey, what's this, what's happening, what's going on here?

Melanie Griffith - kicking addiction to drinking and drugs was like "getting out of prison". Melanie, it looks like you're a new kind of prisoner now. It appears as if you're living with Saddam Hussein. Am I the only one to notice Antonio's resemblance to Saddam? Antonio has joked in the past, he would "threaten their daughter's suitors with a shotgun" but he is taking the [Saddam] persona and look a little to far, unless...

ANTONIO BANDERAS fooled us all these years and he really is Saddam? Or perhaps...

Iraqi scientists succeeded with the mother of all biological challenges - to clone their leader, Saddam Hussein?

Antonio, MotherChuck regrets the look!

Even Melanie and crack is no excuse for looking this bad!

DWTS: Pam Hearts Damian And So Does Bruno Tonioli

EXCITING NEWS FOR CANADIAN VIEWERS ...

Thanks to Pamela Anderson and her Aussie dancing gay partner Damian Whitewood, Canadians will have the opportunity to vote for their favorite pole dancing stripper on Dancing with the Stars starting this Monday.   Pam used the power of her spray-on tan aerosol cans to influence the judges' decision to allow Canadians to be a part of the show.

However, as viewers watch in awe each week as Pam's partner rubs up against her tits and va-jay-jay,  it's judge Bruno Tonioli who can't seem to stop his dick from erupting when he watches Pam grind up against Damian's Whitewood.

 "I can only think of sex, sex, and more sex, The dirtier the better!" said Bruno.

Asked how Damian felt about the judge's comments and score?  Damian's eyes lit up.
"Oh, ick on da snatch, now if ya be tookin' me language mate, I be fookin' catchin' Bruno's driftwood I be."

And would the judges please reveal their scores..... [Bruno] 10!

So You've Had A Bad Day...Week...Years...

It's been one hell of a week for Lindsay Lohan.  First we heard she's going broke and that credit card companies are chasing her, then her father calls the police on her to check on younger sis Ali, then she gets accused of stealing a $35,000 Rolex watch and now she gets fired from the first movie role she's had in years.

Lohan was set to be in the film "The Other Side" but the producers just couldn't handle all the craziness she brings with her.

“Our team simply chose to move on from Lindsay and we’ll soon be announcing a replacement,” says David Michaels the writer/director of the movie which stars Woody Harrelson, Giovanni Ribisi, Dave Matthews, and Alanis Morissette.


This should push Lindsay into another Twitter frenzy like this:

Chachi Doesn't Love Lesbians

Scott Baio's ignorant and heartless comment, especially in these hard times, that his tax money “should feed, house & provide medical for quite a few lazy non working people at my expense” started a trash war with the Baios and Jezebel.com. After a few prods and pokes from Jezebel, Scott's redneck wife Renee thought she should join in the fun with a real classy anti-lesbian rant.

“Fuck YOU Jezebel.com web rag!!!!! You bunch of FAR LEFT Lesbian shitasses!!!!!!! No wonder you’re all lesbos because what man in his right mind could put up with your cuntness? Scott Baio has more class in his piss than all of you all!!!” You eat with that mouth you trailer trash bitch? - someone should wash it out with soap!

O'Canada....

FYI:

The US dollar Canadian dollar is finally making a comeback… or the rest of the worlds’ economies are crashing.   We love it! How long will this last?

Me Me is Starving

Like her little lambs to the slaughter, the always starving-for-attention (certainly not for food) Mariah Carey is dragging boytoy Nick Cannon to renew their vows for a third time and bitch demands and expects to be lavished in jewels.

Poor sap Nick can only say "We get married every year! That's our thing. So it's going to be our third wedding this year. That's what we'll be doing on the actual anniversary... We'll do something... a party or event, just to celebrate. This is the third ring I have to buy. It'll be something different - something good.".
You sound so thrilled Nick - you can hardly contain yourself.

Does no one see the oddness of this? Is everyone around her royal high-ass afraid to say anything. I like how Cannon talks as if it's a normal everyday occurence but something (il diva) tells me he doesn't have much say in this.

Mariah admits "You know what? I guess I am a diva in many ways! (OMG You think??!). When it comes to certain things, yes, I can be difficult and a little bit rigid about what I want. Am I demanding? I don't think I'm demanding enough."  Fuck - the ego on that bitch.

There's a certain pompous arrogance to Mimi continuously having the spotlight turned back on her but she doesn't give a damn.

It's all about Me Me Me! Hmmm now I see where the name Mimi came from.

BRA-TIT-ny Spears

According to rumors around the world...

Jamie Spears is upset that our beloved Brit Brit Spears is tit wiggling and jiggling sans bra all over town.

I'm really confused and upset by this. Did Daddy Spears finally wake up and take note that she has been bra-less on more than one occasion? He obviously had no problem with Britney super sizing them, so why show all this concern now. Is there any real need to having them secured and locked down? It's not like the world is in any danger if these puppies roam free. Britney should have the right to train them however she wants.

R-R-R-Ruuuuuuffff, r-r-r-!

Memoirs of Hatsumomo

Bobby Trendy...

I have no words for your tired trend! However it must have taken you a whole hour just to make up your lips...Baby

You look like a fame whoring fucken retarded tranny geisha!

Reid My Lips Tara

People is reporting that F-list celebrity Tara Reid's wedding is off. Aww - so sad no one even knew she was in a relationship or cared.

"Tara Reid has confirmed that she will not be moving forward with her May 22 nuptials," her rep (like she has a rep - more like herself) told the mag.

She was engaged to businessman Michael Axtmann in January. "Michael surprised Tara with a beautiful round brilliant cut ring. Tara was so happy, and the other patrons clapped and yelled out, 'Congratulations.'" Yeah right. Like anyone gave a shit unless she made it a point of bringing attention to herself. The crowd probably felt obligated to acknowledge them.

I wonder though, why she doesn't say why? Maybe she needed some more plastic surgery on her titties or lipo on her stomach and pawned the ring.

Lohan's Lost It

Here's a shocker - a lazy drugged out drunk who never works and keeps partying like it's 1999 is going broke.

According to Radar Online, Lindsay Loan Lohan is near bankruptcy and creditors are ready to sue her ass - and one has already cut her off.

A source says that Lindsay owes credit cards around $600,000 and I bet most of it was snorted up her nose. Who knows - maybe they can collect by taking her coke stash and selling it on the streets.

Lohan is also reportedly behind in rent and needs to come up with $23,000 to bring rent on her whore house up to date.

If she needs cash quick there's always porn. She's practically falling out of her clothes anytime I see her. Why not add a guy or girl and have some fun with it. Look at Pam Anderson - she apparently made millions from her porn with Tommy Lee.

South Park VS Islam

"An episode of “South Park” that continued a story line involving the Prophet Muhammad was shown Wednesday night on Comedy Central with audio bleeps and image blocks reading “CENSORED” after a Muslim group warned the show’s creators that they could face violence for depicting that holy Islamic prophet".

I am just sick of this shit!    What type of hypocritical bullshit threat is that?  So a parody is not allowed  however making threats of violence in the name of their holy Islamic prophet is justified?


To all you stupid dumb fucked up morons dressed as if you are ready for bed, afraid of showing your ugly face but thinking of strapping some bombs to your hairy disgusting body - GET A LIFE! And here are some more suggestions : 

• Watch some TV - start off with Melrose Place circa 1992. Get to know Amanada Woodward and realize this bitch is the epitome of a strong independant woman.  Yes, these type of women really do exist outside your pod.  
• You should also know that if you haven't fucked a virgin in this lifetime, chances are that you will not fuck 15 virgins when you're dead and that is because you would be dead.
•  Learn to dress!   You should look up to fashion designers ....Dolce and Gabanna, Prada, Armani, Louis Vuitton and pay less attention to those such as DolcePaul and Gabinder, Pradanjeer or Armanjit.

OH my GOD - watch this clip - they made reference to the POPE! It really is ok, the Vatican forgives you :)



Life would be so easy if we could all just get along.

Love Stinks

Courtney Love now wants to change her name to Courtney Michelle as if it'll make a difference. 

"Courtney Love Is Dead" she told U.K.'s NME.  And I couldn't agree with her more.

"The name Courtney Love is a way to oppress me... we've all decided we don't like her any more."  We??? How many personalities does she have? 

Love thinks changing her name is going to help sell her new Hole CD "Nobody's Daughter"?  A more suitable title might be "Nobody's Listening", "Nobody's Buying" and "Nobody Cares".



Here's a video from when she was more relevant.

Good Looks Not Enough

We knew Tim Urban's good looks could only take him so far and when America finally came out of their stupor and realized what a horrible singer he was, they voted him off American Idol.
On a side note. Last night's droning on and on show was an absolute snooze fest. Why doesn't the show spare us the boredom and simply give back without televising it instead of putting us through that torture.

Facebook's "F" Button

It seems that FACEBOOK is set to introduce more social plugins that will further customize your Facebook experience.

Bloggers enthusiastically took to their blogs today hoping Facebook would introduce a universal “like” button Or perhaps even a “Place” button where one can show their friends, with the help of GPS, where they are geographically.

These changes sound great! However I have a few suggestions of my own.

Let's introduce the “Bank” button. This button would allow users to link their financial institution to their Facebook account.  Friends and total strangers can know a person's net worth, where their money is invested or how much they are in the red.  Friends will also be able to determine if someone is (net) worthy of being a friend, if they are marrying material or just dump their ass all together.

The Universal “FUCK” button - Now you can let everyone know that you are getting ready to FUCK or perhaps you’re at a club hoping to get FUCKED. The Fuck” button should have the capability to provide video feed for all you voyeurs.  "Fuck" can also highlight the person you are banging.  Johnny is now fucking Cheryl ☺

The possibilities of buttons are endless.   Let's hope that Facebook makes the right choices for their loyal users.

Jessica Simpson Joins The Jimmy Dean Family

Doesn't Jessica Simpson's dress look like sausage casing? She could pass for a plump Jimmy Dean porker sausage!

Dog Should Arrest Owner For Stupidity

How fucking stupid can this dim witted dog owner be? Only some small town hick from Clarington, Canada would try to register a dog as a mayoral candidate.

"I'm sorry, we won't be accepting nominations for a dog," this idiot was told by a too nice municipal clerk. I would've said get the fuck out of here and stop wasting my time!

But the retard is still unconvinced. In fact he's thinking of some other way to waste tax payer's time and money. Perhaps the dog could be a write-in ballot campaign or a petition hounding council to allow his dog, Genny, a candidacy. Yah right and I can blow fire out of my ass.

And then to feed this moron's delusions, you have town residents that say stupid things like "she's got my vote. Half of them (councillors) aren't doing their job."

Yup that's convinced me now. WTF!! I could just see this town with a dog for mayor, a goldfish for sheriff and a canary for school principle.

And than they wonder why people make fun of small town residents. You couldn't make up this shit. The crazies just write themselves.

...In the news

David Boreanaz buys a bigger new home - How long until his wife finds some ho hiding in the basement.

Check out COCO - Why does her ass never get Photoshopped?  Someone, anyone, please help her!
          See CLASSY COCO get her cunt waxed here.

Kim Kardashian shows off her pussy, it's pretty black and hairy.   Cross its path and 7 years of bad luck :(

Robert Smith of the Cure is 51 years old today.   Happy Birthday to you :)   Robert, your music was so much better when you were strung out on crack.

Oksana Grigorieva and her breakup with Mel Gibson - Round 2 -  All of a sudden the golddigger finds it a mystery why they broke up? @#$?.   Can you say "child support, I'm rich now"?

Joshua Jackson, I'd really like to know where do you get them jeans?  I believe they fit just right!

Trainwreck!  I love when celebrities go broke, lose control and keep denying it. Oh wait, it must not be true, Lindsay and her mom say so.

Michael Jackson's back up dancers wants to join Cirque du soleil.  You would have thought one freakshow was enough in her lifetime?

Hugh Jackman needs to make an adjustment :-)

Chaz Is A Fat Male Wanna Be

Chaz looking lost in that suit with her his girlfriend-whois-only-with-her-him-because-she-he-is-Cher's-daughter-son-and-rich.

Not only is Chaz looking like a whale but she's he's an awful dresser.  C'mon Chaz! Give it some effort - wear mens clothes that your fat-assed body doesn't swim in.

And boy was she he sweating at this event.  I guess when you weigh a ton and don't work out, you tend to sweat Chaz!

David Hasselhoff Is Forever SNAPPER

Well looks like the HOFF has finally turned an old leaf.  David the drunk is heading back to The Young and the Useless where he will briefly reprise his role as Dr. William "Snapper" Foster, Jr.  Drunk Ass Dave left the over rated show in 1982 to concentrate on his acting career.

Times must be tough for the Hoff!  Remember when his career could do no wrong.   He was Michael Knight with a cool fast car.   Then he got his dream job playing lifeguard Mitch Buchanan. He hung around beautiful Babewatch babes and got to hang out all day at the beach in his sexy red trunks.   I don't think he was ever lucky enough to bang Pamela Anderson however swimming the same waters with her must have given him the best boners of his life. 

It's unfortunate the Hoff's music didn't take off in America but I really wish the Hoff would give his singing career another go.   Looking for Freedom is my favorite song from the moment I heard it.      The Germans were his only real fans who really appreciated Hoff's true talent.  Watch the clip below, you'll understand!

Place Your Tiger Bets

It looks like Elin has had just about enough of Tiger GotWoods and his cheating ways and is upset that instead of working on his marriage, he’s working on his hookers golf comeback.

Sources say the marriage is indeed over and if you believe that and care to wager some money on it, here's your chance.

Bodog.com is giving odds and taking bets on when it will happen.

Odds they file for divorce before 2010 U.S. open starts on June 17 is at -200 (bet $200 to win $100 if they divorce)

Odds they don’t file for before U.S. Open is +150 (bet $100 to win $150 if they don’t divorce)

Of course once divorced, you want to bet on their settlement.

Odds are (-125) for "Under $300 million" settlement and (-115) for "Over $300 million" settlement.

Some other bets on the site are: Who will be Elin’s next boyfriend after she dumps Tiger?

20/1 odds - it’s another golfer
25/1 odds – it’s an athlete other than a golfer
30/1 odds – it’s an actor, professional musician and/or model

But these are too boring. Let's spice it up a bit. I'd like to see things like:

Who will he fuck first after his divorce? His old whores or a new stripper?

Which will be his first act performed, Anal, blow job or missionary?

Any golden showers?

Where will he drop his first load? Ass, tits, face?

If Bodog.com can give me odds on these questions, I may have to place major bets.

Spitz-On-Her Might Come Back

Who says you can't fuck some whores and get a job in politics? After being caught in a sex scandal for hiring hookers in March 2008, former Governor of New York City, Eliot Spitz-On-Her may get a second chance at a political career.

Peter Elkind, author of "Rough Justice: The Rise and Fall of Eliot Spitzer" thinks "the financial meltdown has really accelerated the potential speed of his rehabilitation. It's just a horrific disaster and people are looking to see who was on the right side of that issue, and he was as attorney general."

A recent poll of New York voters showed that 58% don't want Spitz-On-Her's dick roaming the state offices, however that's a big improvement from last year's poll which showed 68% Spitz-On-Her haters.

That's a 13% drop, so if my math is correct and this trend continues, in a little over 4 years he'll have his ass back in office and some hookers back under his desk performing their civic duty on him.

Viagra for Dickheads

Never mind snorting coke - Now, all you dirty old horny men who can't seem to get your limp cock stiff enough can spray  a dose of Viagra  into your nose.    One snort allegedly gives you an erection in 5 minutes.    That is the same cooking time it took Ann B  Davis to prepare her famous minute rice.   It was ready in 5 minutes!!  All you dickheads will be good to go in 5 minutes too!

        

                

Balls And Pins

"Glee" hottie Cory Monteith, who claims Taylor Swift is a "great friend of mine" with benefits says she recently licked "kicked his ass" at bowling.

"I couldn't do it. It was bad. She just bought the Ass A-game. And I brought the Balls B-game,"

"I was just an uncoordinated mess that day" Guess he blew a load in his pants - "I couldn't put the ball into the pins." Ahh - but the real question is did you put your balls into her pin later on.

It's A Great Time To Be A Bad Actress

40 year old Jennifer Lopez has reared her ugly head in another bad movie "Back-up Plan" which opens Friday.

"This movie is about a woman who is successful ... She has a full life. But, at the same time, she hasn't found that person to share her life with and to have a family with, and so she decides to do it on her own. She decides to have a baby on her own." Zzzzzzz. Oh sorry I nodded off. Sounds thrilling. Really it does and so original. Can't wait to zzzzzzz.

"It is a great time to be (a shitty) actress," Lopez says "It seems like you can work and do anything at any age" What world is she living in. It's still about youth and the appearance of it -- something she's struggling with more and more each day.

"It's a great time that people are just seeing people's souls." Ok, what are you smoking and can I have some! Do you see brightly colored auras too - I saw that once on an acid trip. It was wild!
 
"It's not so superficial anymore," LOL. I bet even she couldn't keep a straight face saying this crap. She's certainly no Jenny from the block unless the block includes Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills.

"Women have proven that they are viable in this business, as well, and it doesn't matter if you're not 21 years old."  Is that your new mantra - it doesn't matter if I'm not 21 anymore?
Sure keep telling yourself that - maybe you'll even start believing it.

"It just matters that you're great at what you do. And that's exciting." What's your definition of great? Making bad movies and lousy music?

I know you're just putting it out there hoping it'll stick, but come talk to me when you hit the proverbial wall and have to rely on your talent or lack of to get a job.

Large Boobs Can Be Lethal

Some U.K. cow almost killed her lover with her big fugly flabby 40LL tits.  The 27 year explained how her chubby chaser lover enjoys being smothered by her smelly udders, but this time it was different.

“This time, he started flailing around a bit, but I assumed it was because he was so excited, so I kept going,”

“A few minutes later I noticed he’d stopped moving.  I was panicking and just about to call 911 when thankfully he started to come round. He was really woozy, like he was in a trance. Then he sort of coughed and sat up. I was so relieved.”

What a hilarious sight this must've been.  Can you just picture him flailing about, trying to get her to stop and she thinks he wants more and keeps him submerged in those balloons.


The only part of this story that I find hard to believe is that she claims to be 27????  Oh please!

Chrstina Aguilera wants her fans to know she doesn't give a F*ck

Christina Aguilera seems to be rocking Madonna's sexy bondage, justify my love, Britney Spears "Boys" look and I....LOVE....IT!!!!

The "Beautiful" singer is set to release her latest CD titled Bionic (Erasure-eque, 6 million dollar man / woman, sweet Jamie) with a new sound (Madonna / Britney Spears / Lady Gaga / Cher) and a sick club banging hit "not myself tonight".

It took 4 years for Xtina to get back to the studio to come up with new material. She also patiently awaited for Britney Spears to be out of the limelight so that fans can strictly concentrate and appreciate her new sound.

Xtina "gets crazy" with her lyrics adding a few suggestive and pationate moans and she wants you to give it to her, don't stop, awwww ....

"Cause I'm doing things that I normally won't do 
The old me's gone I feel brand new
And if you don't like it FUCK you"

The song is catchy. It took me a few listens before it grew on me. Awww do love me a good song that reeks sex and when Xtina talks and whispers, it really turns me on. What really grabs my attention is when Xtina screams out FUCK U - it makes the song complete! So take a listen and FUCK U :)

LeAnn and Eddie are still doing each other 1 year later!

After getting caught fucking Eddie Cibrian, LeAnn Rimes proved what a true dumb bleached blond she really is when she hopped on her twitter account and twatted about her “anniversary” with Eddie under the name wewenlove.

“Watching my man do ADR. I’m hanging with him today cause it’s our 1 year anniversary!!!!! Love him!”

Her now ex-husband, Dean Sheremet, was so fucken pissed off reading this post and replied:

“@wewenlove you should feel proud of that…. Considering you were still married this time last year….”

LeAnn – you’re just a dumb cunt! Please come back to twitter and twat more about your love for Eddie. And Eddie, you’re a dumb cunt too!